Pole OrdinanceBy Charlie McCormick | December 14th, 2011 | Category: Fiction | 4 comments
I can’t believe I found this ordinance….it explains everything……
WHEREASS, the Borough of Oak Town is seeking to provide residents with a minimal standard of service, and minimal expectations from their elected officials; and
WHEREASS, the Borough of Oak Town believes that setting a specific standard for all elected officials serving the borough will help promote cooperation and understanding; and
WHEREASS, to achieve this goal it is necessary that specific parameters that all elected officials must meet should be defined and set forth; and
WHEREASS, this standard shall be met by all elected officials prior to being sworn into the elected office.
NOW, THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED, by the Mayor and Council of the Borough of
Oak Town, Bergen County that all elected officials shall have a pole shoved up their rectum prior to assuming responsibilities in their elected position. The pole shall be no more than 5 feet in length, and no more than 3 inches in diameter. The minimum size of the pole shall be no less than 3 feet, and the diameter shall be at least 2 inches. The pole shall be made of any of the following listed materials: wood, metal, plastic.
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, the pole shall be inserted by a physician licensed to practice in the State of New Jersey, or by any resident of Oak Town who wants the job; and
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, any pole previously shoved up the rectum of an elected official must be replaced with one meeting the above parameters.