It is a melancholy object to those who walk through the great boroughs, towns, villages, and cities of New Jersey, when they see the streets and roads littered with For Sale signs. Too often, in front and beside these signs we see two, three, or four children, playing innocently.

Their mothers and fathers, instead of being able to work for an honest livelihood, are employing all their time in leisure and on the public dole. They spend time with their children, tend to their needs, and indulge in whatever personal vice they yearn for with affection.

I think it is agreed by all parties that this is detrimental to New Jersey, deplorable to the majority of hardworking New Jersey residents with jobs; and, therefore, whoever could find out a fair, cheap, and easy method of making use of these children, and unburdening the state with their loafing parents, would deserve so well of the public as to have his statue set up for a preserver of The Garden State.

With an official unemployment rate of 9%, it’s responsible to believe that the actual number is 10% or higher. This means there are near a million souls in New Jersey that might be better off living somewhere else.

NJ recently lost 11,600 private sector jobs, and added 3,000 government jobs, according to the monthly jobs report by the state Department of Labor and Workforce Development. While some might consider this a loss of 8,600 jobs, others might consider the additional 3,000 government jobs to be simply an additional burden on the respectable members of society.

Those New Jersey residents who refuse to go to work, those hundreds and hundreds of thousands, are putting an enormous strain on the entire economy; and they make New Jersey look very bad. The state is now 2nd in the nation in terms of foreclosure rates.

The MBA, Mortgage Bankers Association, reports that NJ’s foreclosure rate is at 8.21 percent in the last quarter of 2011 – 2nd highest in the nation. And we can only expect “these people” to further drag our great state down as the combined foreclosure/severely late rate is 12.17 percent, behind only Florida (18.38 percent) and Nevada (13.36 percent).

I shall now  propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection.

I do therefore humbly offer it to public consideration that we drive these people out of our great state, and let them seek residence elsewhere – perhaps the Dakotas, the Carolinas, the Virginias, or some other pluralistic state more conducive to their economic condition.

My suggestion to drive them from the state of New Jersey is metaphorical; I do not intend that we bus them. Rather, I hold forth that we banish them, and create such a hostile environment that those who cannot afford to live in New Jersey should suffer so much that they leave of their own God given freewill – as God intended.

The main culprits in the economic distress are certainly those jobless people who spawn unnecessary children. They lounge in their love shacks and yet expect the state to assume responsibility for not only educating their children, but providing instruction in moral character – something lacking in the parents.

We must, as a people, rid our state society of these people first, and save the children. Those NJ residents without jobs, those whose homes are in foreclosure, those burdened with debt as they struggle to survive in our great state, must suffer the tough love that God exemplifies for us.

To this end, local municipalities should take the lead and organize community groups that will legally enter such peoples’ homes and remove all items of value. Remove all “their possessions” – which morally don’t belong to them – and use them to settle private debts, repay the state, and furnish whatever measly sums that may be left over for their future, independent sustenance.

This is the first effort in cleansing NJ of the financial cretins that sully the good name of The Garden State, and burden the rest of us with their laggard manners.

These actions would be less stressful and more organized should they be led by the friends and neighbors of such people. Elected officials, working in conjunction with the friends & neighbors of the people we refer to as undesirables, must work together to cleanse their own municipalities.

Once successful in reducing their homes to a shell, and dissolving their social network of friends and neighbors, we can expect a good exodus of people who can travel elsewhere in search of a more affordable promised land.

Those die hards who refuse to read the writing on the wall, and continue to suffer their children a life of misery in New Jersey, they must be dealt with expeditiously. This will involve declaring them unfit parents, and seizing their children.

While some might perceive this as counter-productive, as the housing and feeding of these children may be of considerable expense, that is not the case. All the children will be tested and evaluated, and those showing promise, intelligence, and the industriousness that their biological parents lack – these children will be placed in the homes of people who can afford them.

To encourage such benevolence among the respected class, and to find enough homes for these worthy children, there should be defined contracts to safeguard all liberties. The children seized and placed in to the homes of those wealthy enough to receive them, should provide recompense by working in the home of their new parents.

The children can learn the industriousness that their biological parents lack, and take responsibility for cooking, cleaning, yard work, and caring for their new brothers & sisters. It would also be appropriate that they be lent, or leased, to work in offices, factories, or any other commercial enterprise that might help in building their moral character.

Those children seized by the state who are deemed less promising, less intelligent, or might suffer some disability, they can also be offered an opportunity to succeed in life. We will contract with the numerous, and benevolent, American corporations that out source their labor overseas, and we will situate these children in a setting befitting their capabilities.

New Jersey will coordinate with cooperating corporations, and ship these disadvantaged children to countries in Asia, Africa, or South America – and allow them to prosper in learning the value of labor. They can be employed making toys, gadgets, electronics, and other useful items to be sold in the American marketplace. In this way, they help not only themselves, but their fellow Americans who can afford to purchase the items.

This leads us to consider the still vast number of people who are nothing but a burden on society. Those who are aged, diseased, or maimed, must be dealt with in a similarly humane and understanding manner. Surprisingly, the path of least resistance is the wisest, easiest, and least expensive…We shall do nothing.

It is very well known that these people are every day struggling harder and harder, suffering more and more, physically, psychologically, and more importantly spiritually. This constant strain on their entire being must eventually take it’s physical toll.

The less we do for those in need, the faster we will be rid of them, and the faster they will be out of their own misery.

This modest proposal to return New Jersey to a land of prosperity and promise cannot be met with any objection. It provides for all, is foolproof, and finally offers hope to the hopeless.

I am not so violently bent upon my own opinion as to reject any offer proposed by wise residents of New Jersey, which shall be found equally innocent, cheap, easy, and effectual. The impossibility of paying rent or mortgage without money or trade, the want of common sustenance, with neither house nor clothes to cover them from the inclemencies of the weather, and the doubtful prospect of improvement, makes this modest proposal the most humane and generous.

I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least personal interest in endeavoring to promote this necessary proposal, having no other motive than the public good of the great state of New Jersey, by advancing our trade, providing for children, relieving the poor, and giving some pleasure to the rich.

The End

Additional Reading:

Jonathan Swift